What an oxymoron. Shapewear.
It should be banned.
Have this thing on that can only be described as a very tight slip. Petticoat type thing, except EXCRUCIATINGLY tight. In order to hold in places that aren't normally held in. Like tummies and arse.
Well, it was a cold day, I was wearing a perfectly nicely fitting Leona Edmiston frock and I thought a bit of extra holding in wouldn't go amiss - and anyway, it was cold.
Mistake.
These contraptions make you a freaking PECULIAR shape.
Firstly, I soon discovered I had four boobs, whereas previously I had two, nicely symmetrical, in the right place and if I do say so myself, a decent shape. Not after Shapewear had its way with me. Oh no. Whilst my quantity has increased two fold, the quality is distinctly lacking. Each one pillowy, with bits poking out in odd directions and generally making me look at bit like a Picasso, except not as funky.
Then there was the tummy and bum aspect. Well this thing is a slip. It has a skirt. Take two steps and the skirt has effectively ridden up to my waist, bunched up there and become a peculiar looking hump on my lower back and a suspect looking bundle of something on my waist, offset by whatever isn't being held in around my waist to be poking out hopefully underneath. This WASN'T exactly the look I was seeking. Especially not in a figure hugging dress - a dress that challenges back fat, and tummies, and boobs and the like, with its only saving grace a pattern that confuses the eye on such matters.....
And being at a course all day I decided to bring along some sugar free lollies. You know. The ones that make your stomach swell up to twice its size and have you farting like a labrador for the next three days whilst your abdomen resumes from that overstuffed balloon state to its normal size? So between the tightness of the "slip" and the excruciating wind element in my lower bowels, I spent the day pretty much in agony.
But at least I was warm.
Tomorrow, comfy knickers and a pair of stockings. I'll let it all hang out.
It should be banned.
Have this thing on that can only be described as a very tight slip. Petticoat type thing, except EXCRUCIATINGLY tight. In order to hold in places that aren't normally held in. Like tummies and arse.
Well, it was a cold day, I was wearing a perfectly nicely fitting Leona Edmiston frock and I thought a bit of extra holding in wouldn't go amiss - and anyway, it was cold.
Mistake.
These contraptions make you a freaking PECULIAR shape.
Firstly, I soon discovered I had four boobs, whereas previously I had two, nicely symmetrical, in the right place and if I do say so myself, a decent shape. Not after Shapewear had its way with me. Oh no. Whilst my quantity has increased two fold, the quality is distinctly lacking. Each one pillowy, with bits poking out in odd directions and generally making me look at bit like a Picasso, except not as funky.
Then there was the tummy and bum aspect. Well this thing is a slip. It has a skirt. Take two steps and the skirt has effectively ridden up to my waist, bunched up there and become a peculiar looking hump on my lower back and a suspect looking bundle of something on my waist, offset by whatever isn't being held in around my waist to be poking out hopefully underneath. This WASN'T exactly the look I was seeking. Especially not in a figure hugging dress - a dress that challenges back fat, and tummies, and boobs and the like, with its only saving grace a pattern that confuses the eye on such matters.....
And being at a course all day I decided to bring along some sugar free lollies. You know. The ones that make your stomach swell up to twice its size and have you farting like a labrador for the next three days whilst your abdomen resumes from that overstuffed balloon state to its normal size? So between the tightness of the "slip" and the excruciating wind element in my lower bowels, I spent the day pretty much in agony.
But at least I was warm.
Tomorrow, comfy knickers and a pair of stockings. I'll let it all hang out.
You, my dear, are hilarious.
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