2nd "Post Normality" post...

Never underestimate being normal.  It's quite a nice place to be.  Unfortunately I swing.  Yep, I swing from very very high to very very low.  And it is actually quite scary sometimes, but sometimes I feel like never wanting those highs to go away and other times I know they are so good that they are not normal and they will lead to disaster.  So whilst being engulfed in this huge high, I am experiencing these flashbacks to reality and where I go after and I know it is going to happen, it is just a question of when.  So here I am "after".  I would dearly love to control it all but I can't.  There is NO WAY I am going to start taking drugs to manage it.  Well, at least, not yet.  I don't think.  But I am really not sure.

To be honest, I don't really know what I would have done this last two months, had it not been for running.  No idea.  I am really scared by the thought.  BUT - I am on my way back upwards now and feeling so much better and once again, the whole running thing  and all my running friends are helping. 

That's all I can say really.  So many utterly fantastic things have happened in my life this last few months, but for some reason its all been eclipsed by a horrible sense of something that I just cannot explain and that there is no reason for.  I know these phases come and I know they go and so I am just hanging in there trying to feel like Mrs Positive until it goes away and I can be me again......

Back to normal - whatever "normal" is.....

Blogging - such an introspective passtime.  Lately - no blogging, which has either meant I am afraid to look inwards or I just didn't like what I was seeing.

But, the fog appears to have lifted.  I am in love with life again.  I am still running, and have been consistently for the last few months, and sometimes its been the only time I've felt alive - when I run.  Or, most specifically, after I run.  But normality appears to have resumed, my head is out of my arse, I'm not thinking of jumping out in front of the 7.09 to Central any more and the joy of life has come back to me.  The positives of this little sojourn into the dark side is that training has been consistent and that means running has become easier, more enjoyable and more "normal".  So that is really good.


Today was the first day of Spring.  I didn't Spring out of bed, I wearily got up under duress, because I was tired and still sleepy, but I had arranged to meet friends and run long with them.  I think I was still asleep driving up there, but what a joyous, fantastic morning for running.  Possibly one of the best morning runs I have ever experienced.  It was chilly at first.  The mountains were hazy from the burning off and the trails were peaceful with no breeze.  The sun was coming through the trees with a yellow shimmery haze, the bush smelt clean and new and beautiful and it was just the most perfect day for running.  I'd planned to meet the guys on their second lap, so got some quiet time to myself and my thoughts (after a bit of a crazy, emotion fuelled, but wonderful Saturday) so it was nice to just be at one with the world, deep in my own thoughts and happy to be experiencing the most beautiful surroundings.  Caught up with Steve, Chris and Fi at the 4km mark and ended up doing 28km all up on the trails this morning.  I felt wonderful the whole way (despite forgetting to bring water, food or anything sensible) but after the run my hip has been sore and tight.  If not for the hip I think I could have run all day.  There is no better feeling that just enjoying every step and being totally "there"....

Next weekend is Woodford to Glenbrook, then our big run in Katoomba and then Blackmores.  Then I might have a little break from events until Kedumba.  I've got other stuff to focus on at the weekends for a while ;)